Mad…

I feel capitalized upon because I am doing work in a factory where I can't feel the sun.

A gold place is waiting for me, where I'll be higher then everyone, the mary jane in dreams aren't filled with hay grass and strawberry seeds.

The deeds I sign to myself make me believe the soul of Kunta Kentay is hard to conceive.

But with the soul of Kunta Kentay will I ever be perceived as a lady, your baby, or your wifey to be.

Cuz as a lady, you see I have a constant fear of negativity and its really starting to get to me.

My house isn't big enough

I can't get to work soon enough

The baby isn't old enough

And my man can't provide that much

But I love my life regardless cuz the sidewalk doesn't crumble beneath us.

Do we believe us?

Between the "Nigga please"

And the "O my Jesus I can't believe this happen to us , please save me!"

Just look at Katrina.

Everybody was surprised to be criminalized for sumthing they didn't create otherwise.

Uh, this is wise. Find some guys with nice suits and ties give them a meaningless name and see how far they rise. WHOA r u surprised by the disguised same damn corner boys u saw selling bean pies. I demise the rise of materialism to prove that I have a system a wealth.

The health of the society is kind of bothering me cuz every young man I see has a red flag to me.

Be who u want.

flaunt wat u bought

but don't let pretty legs turn your pride into a slump of heartache and reconciliation.

Don't let the disease be your appreciation.

The levees break so we get put on punishment so we can't facilitate.

I demonstrate the world of the hungry middle class

we ridin in benz

But now can't afford the gas

Who had nice couches

But now can't afford the paper for they ass

Crash ! goes my future cuz the industry is taken over

God forgive me for not looking for a job cuz I was staring at a rover

I jus wish my dreams could take ova and make life a big want so I never have to need

Feel the bleeding of my cousin as the mac hits his knees

Please lord please make me conserve all the feels I think I deserve

Cuz liberation isn't a concentration for revolutionary actions any more

Beauty

Who the hell are you to call me ugly? No, really! People are so quick to judge your immediate appearance and so slow to take their foot out of their mouths. We have all been in the situation where we have seen someone who is really unattractive at first sight but as you talk to them and get to know them you begin to see the real beauty in them. Weird how that works, huh? Judging appearances at first sight is human nature; however, the harsh criticism that goes along with is acquired. I say if you don't have anything nice to say then you're a hater…Which seems to be pretty true most of time. Usually when I have something negative to say I am feeling pretty down and inadequate compared to my female or male counterpart. Confidence is a bitch sometimes! You love her when she's up and hate her when she's down. Anyhow, true beauty is a choice that many can't make because they can't figure it out. I have seen some truly beautiful people in my time and its only because they have beautiful minds and everything seems to fall in place for them. Beauty isn't a game of luck it's a business of choice. Everyone has the opportunity to be beautiful everyday if they put in the work. I don't mean work as in hair and makeup and expensive threads but faith, work, and laughter. Yeah I said laughter! Laughing makes everyone look that much more attractive. That doesn't mean you go to class and start laughing during the teachers lecture to impress Ricky Bobby, but don't take yourself so seriously. Lighten up! Consider thinking harder about your faith. That is what makes your confidence. Tap into your spiritual guide when you don't need anything and see what happens with your mental. You will be a lot happier and less stressed.

LOVE.LIVE.LAUGH.

Sexuality

As I start my transformation for 2009 I have to bring up the topic of sexuality. I'm beginning to love my body and sexual
organs a lot and for a long time I have been confused as to why people make a big deal about sexuality. I have been raised in a family where it really didn't matter about other's sexuality at all. In most African American families people make a big deal about sexuality as if that is what makes a person good or bad. My mom and dad have always had homosexual men and questionable (lol) women around me so I have never really felt uncomfortable. Now that I'm coming into my womanhood I have questioned my own sexuality and I have observed that my confidence has a lot to do with how I feel about the opposite sex and the same sex. Some people are so homo-phobic that it's irritating and uncalled for but a lot of the times these people are envious because they have sexual hang ups that don't allow them to see the other side of sexuality. I'm not going to lie there are some things about certain sexual philosophies that I don't get and don't agree with but if those people where my peers I wouldn't look at them differently, seriously. I would of course ask questions and try to understand so I don't offend them but other than that it's their life, not mine. If people just understood a little about sexual history and the evolution of sexuality I think more people would be more acceptable of sexual acts and possibly partake in them.

I love my body, mind, and soul; therefore, I will love ANYONE who accepts that and mirrors those beliefs.

Priorities in life and in love

After watching Alexyss K Tylor I thought about the role that my womanhood plays in my life. Then I began to realize that my womanhood shouldn't play a role in my life it should be my life and everything else should play a role. People shouldn't be allowed to shake my worth, I shouldn't have to answer to anyone when it comes to me taking care of myself and making myself happy. As I am becoming more in tune with my sexual being I'm starting to feel my inner worth, insecurities, and intuition. Going away from home brings about a lot of problems in young women because they are scared to be their own woman. Either their mother never taught them or they aren't confident in their ability to please people through their womanly instinct. Many people aren't comfortable by themselves, why is that? This problem is b/c people don't know when to say no to others and when to say yes to themselves. We have to remember that we come before others and before others come our education, business, and family.

In life being confident in God and yourself allows one to have a prosperous, fulfilling life. Life is a stage, God is the director, and he has blocking that we will never know about; however, the show will always be Tony award winning. I break my life priorities by levels, and these are the levels: God, Myself, family, business/ education, and friends. As my life changes and I learn more about the environment God put me in, I will probably change my levels, and that is ok. I must be honest; my life is not in that order right now. Friends, me, education is the order of the levels and it is proving not to work at all. Pleasing other people before you know what pleases you is detrimental to your personal growth. We all have goals and dreams and the only way we can achieve them is by putting life in order. We have to put life in order based off of our present lifestyle, past experiences, and future aspirations.

LOVE.LIVE.LAUGH!

Sleep Anxiety

Why am I afraid to go to sleep? I'm laying down on the couch waiting for eyes to shut and I can't stop thinking about sushi and boys and clothes and money. My random ass mind chatter is goingto be the death of me…I am sure of it. Its like I think too much for my health. I'm always thinking a lot and when I try to communicate my ideas they don't come out right or I get totally fucked up. I need some positive reinforcement to get my thoughts organized. I want to know what do journalist, writers, hell rappers do to keep their train of thought. Whenever I need to just vent I tend to go to 1 to 1oo and back to 62 in like 4 seconds. Goodness my mind is raing now. I don't do hard drugs, come on I am a college student I have to try something! But everyone else tells me shut the hell up kid your over thinking. I guess I confuse them. Maybe watching random tv shows has something to do with that…side bar: Family is funny as fuck… I wanna go TO SLEEP…may be if I had a stable boy friend who could keep my interest for more than ten minutes I wouldn't be in this situation. Boys suck! My dleeping pattern sucks too!