This isn't going to be about what u think it is….I'm not dating an extremely old man or wondering y Cougars are so damn aggressive (although that would be a good blog session). I'm really confused as to how my age is a barrier and how it's a spring board? I'm at the age where shit is really beginning to matter to me and I feel like everything I do plays a huge part in my future (even though I get some feedback that it doesn't). Yeah, I'm a college student; yeah, I work; Yeah, I'm old enough to get married; no, I'm not old enough to drink. This shit is too confusing!!! So government, Let me get this clear: you want me to vote for qualified officials for your unorganized offices and/or go to war to fight for your petty ego wars but I can't have a drink to think about the shit?! I don't like living with the excuse of "I'm too young" or being in the position where I have to ask someone to do something for me cuz I'm 24 months shy of the deadline to do it myself. Even with all the numbers and deadlines and policies half of the time people who are of age can't handle the responsibilities of the numbers they carry. I don't want to rush and grow up and end up missing my "prime" but something has got to give. Age is a fact but isn't always what it's cracked out to be….
LIVE.LAUGH.LOVE
That's it!
My list isn't that bad, is it?
After many talks about love, marriage, dating, and self esteem I'm beginning to see where I fall in the dating world. They say you can't love someone until you love yourself, but can u date when don't love yourself? Of course you can! Prostitutes, gold diggers, and many other women clearly have low self esteem and need self healing in order to love themselves, however these are the same women who get the "good ones" and live the lavish lives that many admire. An article from an U of M magazine opened my eyes to what the REAL problem is for my generation when it comes to dating (we have many problems!). We look for love in all the wrong places; the mall, the club, the liquor store, and other random places. Not to say that the love of your life isn't bouncing they ass at the club or spending all of their money on worthless t shirts and sneakers but you can't expect from JUMP to have a successful and long-lasting relationship. There is no SET place to meet your mate but you should never put too many eggs in a basket. I admit it, I'm a victim of lame internet conversation, mall shout outs, and gas station pickups and every time w/o fail it hasn't worked out! Men who have the blue balls to yell at you in public to get your attention are the same men who are willing to make u pay for the first date, and have their kids w/o giving emotional or financial help. I guess the point is have ur expectations in order before going off to find that "Barack" or "Michelle" because the smallest most trivial things can determine a lifetime or short time of disorder and chaos. I love you all, stay beautiful and if u don't feel it at least look it! *smooches*
Branded shame….
I feel like the bottom of a old coke can
Unwanted, too thick, and bacteria….
I feel like when I really need somebody they are never there
Or they chastise me for the she that he intended for me to be…
I want to be the normal girl who has the all the potential but is so humble and giving…
No gon happen! Ha…
I'm goin to be successful and when your successful you stand out..with doubt…I thought that was cute…ha
And people look up to and either try to go up w/ u or pull you down to the dirt so they can climb your corpse…
You just need mental exercise to stay focus on growing…When you get too caught up in the bottom feeders you lost yourself to debris and a crowd of tourist…of the mind that is…
DDDDDDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
I fuckin miss acting!!!!! Why the hell do I have learn things the hard way. I'm done talking I need some action in my life baby!!!! No one gets it but
I need to be the one who receives and passes it out. I'm a good actor and can be great when I get back to basics. 2009 is the year of rebirth and I need to push my skill out and start to do what I love again in order to survive. I have been wondering why I can't sleep and why I'm not as happy as I use to be and now I see why I don't do anything entertaining anymore. Nothing on campus that suits me jus right like Mosaic did. I felt so at home it wasn't even supposed to be real. I feel like I'm on another planet cuz the artistic connection isn't there right now but I'm goin to get it back as soon as God tells me too. I believe God had me take a break from art in order for me to see that I need it to do what I want to love to do. God wants me to be a leader in this world and create my own occupation for the world to see me and observe and admire what I bring to the table.
I love myself, I believe in myself, I know myself, and I'm a genius.
I don't know why but on December
25, 2008
I decided that in 2009 everything had to change. I
have no explanation for this idea but it feels GOOD. I
feel like it will be a lot of work to change and be more focused on myself. This is my change list:
Weight -50 or so pounds
Hair
Style
Decide on my major
Decide on my school
Get a job!
Become more independent
Get a boyfriend
Learn how to play the piano
Join an organization
Do community service
Spiritual connect with myself
Get back into theater or do poetry shows
Study fashion
Redecorate my dorm room
Get along with people better
….
That's not really it.
I don't think it's a lot of stuff but it sure will keep me busy for the year…especially the weight thing…
I
need to get spiritually connected so everything can happen.
Love me. Teach me. Be me.
*No Judgment*
Why are women so afraid to impress themselves? If you want a companion you need to be happy with yourself before you make anyone else happy. Doesn't that make sense? I know that is the reason I haven't found a boyfriend yet; I haven't made myself happy, I don't hang around people that make me feel happy, and I'm not taking care of my goals. (There is a difference between taking care of business and taking care of your goals) I have so many people who look up to me and it's a disservice to everyone who is remotely liked to me, for me not to live for myself first.
So let me start this over again…lol…
I'm the shit. Weird thing is I just found out at 4:50 in the morning. After a brief session with myself, I fell in love. It wasn't the best sex I have every given myself but it did hit the spot and gave me a clownish smile from my…orgasm. I can give myself mind scattering orgasms w/o all the hoopla everyone is always talking about. It probably took me 5 minutes to get warmed up and about 5 minutes to make myself smile. I'm still shaking from it occasionally. Why haven't women realized that they can give themselves the best feeling or feelings in the world! There is only one man who has given me an orgasm worthy of putting me into an insane asylum and I definitely plan on marrying him. However, my next step is to find a woman who can give me that insane orgasm…lol…The journey begins!
WAIT while I'm on this journey I need to be able to give these orgasms to other people. The blessing is no good if you can't share it. I know I pretty good at head. However sex really doesn't amuse me but I force myself to do it just for the record. I get nothing out of sex except well stretched inner thigh muscles. I love head for myself and giving it is a pain but I feel it is my service sometimes.
I hate feeling obligated to have intercourse b/c it's the norm. Why can't you just give me head and let me on my way or hell let it be equal.
2009…Its M!M! Time!
