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Breaking Point

It comes that time or at least the first time in every young women's life when she realizes that she deserves better or actually deserves anything at all. Making the excuses and hoping things will change will never make the situation better. I can't blame other people for things that keep happening to me. The same bullshit happens over and over again and never thought once "why the fuck do u put up with this?" until today. No matter what may have happened today plenty of things could have went differently. Going back to my last blog about love. This is the first step of loving myself. Getting angry enough to make drastic steps to change the environment I'm in. There are so many things we aren't in control of at certain points in our lives but the few things that we can control we need to make sure that we take responsibility for our decisions. I have to be honest with myself. I need a new way of thinking.

LOVE.LIVE.LAUGH

L blah O blah V blah E blah

Happy Belated Valentine's Day!

Regardless if you had a good or bad Valentines its was still a nice day because you were fortunate enough to experience the heartache and joy.

With that being said, my V-day wasn't the best but for some reason I realized what I loved more than who I loved. No doubt there isn't a better feeling then getting roses and candy to make you feel special. However, doing something and getting that warm tingling feeling in your body is a lot better.

Yes, no doubt I want a companion to share that feeling with or hell get that feeling about but now-a-days thats just not going to happen. I have talked about being in love with someone for so long and cried myself to sleep so many nights that you just have to make a compromise with love.

Ok, I quit love! I will stop using your name in vain and constantly imagining what you can do for me once I feel you. I'm tired of always asking myself as every man passes me by "Is that the one". Love is cool but I'm realizing that its nothing like it seems on TV or in movies. Love doesn't come with theme music and dolly zoom shoots with you and your partner looking perfect even after you wake up. Love doesn't always smell good, it doesn't always say the right things , and it certainly can't buy you anything.

This four letter word causes so much confusion and makes so much money its ridiculous. Love this, love that, call 1 800 LOVE 000. The kind of love I want isn't on the front page of Essence or Vanity Fair, or in the greatest movies/Tv shows. As I get old and wise and make solid morals and values for myself; I realize love has to be in so many other places because it goes into someone else. I have to love myself, where I work, my friends, where I live, my family, what I eat, and THEN last but not least someone else. Quite frankly if the person I like doesn't love what I love then WE won't be in love. POINT BLANK PERIOD.

I will never be tired of love or what it means because I have love in my life its just not placed on a romantic relationship yet. It'll happen once I get everything else straightened out.

LIVE.LAUGH.LOVE.

Mister, where are you?

I want a boyfriend.....

Where r u Mr.Right?

I promise I'm done w/ my swallow "independant" woman phase

I don't want you for your money or status just time and affection...

If ur hiding I'm ready to see you..

really..

no foreal...

I feel despite posting this, but its how I'm feeling...

LIVE.LOVE.LAUGH

Is age really nothing but a number?

This isn't going to be about what u think it is….I'm not dating an extremely old man or wondering y Cougars are so damn aggressive (although that would be a good blog session). I'm really confused as to how my age is a barrier and how it's a spring board? I'm at the age where shit is really beginning to matter to me and I feel like everything I do plays a huge part in my future (even though I get some feedback that it doesn't). Yeah, I'm a college student; yeah, I work; Yeah, I'm old enough to get married; no, I'm not old enough to drink. This shit is too confusing!!! So government, Let me get this clear: you want me to vote for qualified officials for your unorganized offices and/or go to war to fight for your petty ego wars but I can't have a drink to think about the shit?! I don't like living with the excuse of "I'm too young" or being in the position where I have to ask someone to do something for me cuz I'm 24 months shy of the deadline to do it myself. Even with all the numbers and deadlines and policies half of the time people who are of age can't handle the responsibilities of the numbers they carry. I don't want to rush and grow up and end up missing my "prime" but something has got to give. Age is a fact but isn't always what it's cracked out to be….

LIVE.LAUGH.LOVE

What will make me happy (Christmas List)

• black Northface
  
• iPod touch (16kb but will settle for 8kb)
  
• Tan Ugg boots
  
• 3 pair of skinny jeans
  
• V neck tees
  
• Paid apartment for 1 yr
  
• Handsome, courageous, sweet boyfriend
  
• Long thick hair
  
• New job that I can make $10/hr
  
• A tutor for all my classes
  
• Green contacts
  
• Exfoliate wash from Carol's Daughter
  

That's it!

My list isn't that bad, is it?

Am I Really ready for Love?

After many talks about love, marriage, dating, and self esteem I'm beginning to see where I fall in the dating world. They say you can't love someone until you love yourself, but can u date when don't love yourself? Of course you can! Prostitutes, gold diggers, and many other women clearly have low self esteem and need self healing in order to love themselves, however these are the same women who get the "good ones" and live the lavish lives that many admire. An article from an U of M magazine opened my eyes to what the REAL problem is for my generation when it comes to dating (we have many problems!). We look for love in all the wrong places; the mall, the club, the liquor store, and other random places. Not to say that the love of your life isn't bouncing they ass at the club or spending all of their money on worthless t shirts and sneakers but you can't expect from JUMP to have a successful and long-lasting relationship. There is no SET place to meet your mate but you should never put too many eggs in a basket. I admit it, I'm a victim of lame internet conversation, mall shout outs, and gas station pickups and every time w/o fail it hasn't worked out! Men who have the blue balls to yell at you in public to get your attention are the same men who are willing to make u pay for the first date, and have their kids w/o giving emotional or financial help. I guess the point is have ur expectations in order before going off to find that "Barack" or "Michelle" because the smallest most trivial things can determine a lifetime or short time of disorder and chaos. I love you all, stay beautiful and if u don't feel it at least look it! *smooches*